Jealousy and Joy

As a child I was taught that one of the ten commandments was:
Exodus 20:17
You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.

I always wondered, "How can I know what I want if I don't see it somewhere else first and decide I want it?"

Today, I had a lesson in this concept of old.

This morning I found out that my friend K and her husband sold their house. It's a house they bought cheap, remodeled BIG TIME and have had up for sale for a while now. We also have a house like that. Our first home we bought dirt cheap, remodeled BIG TIME and refinanced. Then we used the $$ for the down payment on our current home in order to lock in a ridiculously low interest rate.

Our old house has been for sale for over a year now. I'm relaxed in the idea that, when the right person comes along, the house will sell. I'm in no hurry, but I'd like to pull it off the bill roster.

It suddenly occurred to me today, seemingly out of nowhere, that a few years ago, hearing that their house had sold when mine hadn't would've down right pissed me off. I'd have been angry and most likely acted out in some kind of passive aggressive way.

But that's not the case now. It didn't even occur to me to have those thoughts. I was immediately THRILLED for them and became their cheering section from my laptop as I was reading the email. I am excited for them. I wish them so much more happiness than I can express! I'm so grateful to be at this point in my life.

Being happy for the accomplishments of others and wishing them the same blessings you seek for yourself is the key to having anything you want. You see what you want.... but you know that just because THEY have it doesn't mean you can't have it too!!

I still have knee jerk reaction sometimes, but they're sure a lot less than they used to be. It's funny how ALL of your thinking changes when you take on an abundant mindset. Abundance is everywhere and available to everyone! Someone else vibrating in harmony with and attracting their own abundance does not now and will never, EVER mean there's now not enough for you! There's a never ending supply of abundance. Never ending!!! God has no limits. God/The Universe is boundless abundance. No one can ever get your share but you baby!!

I have to stop myself in mid reaction and remind myself of what I know to be true. I'm happy that I can recognize my "sins" (missing of the point) as they happen now instead of going back in my mind and realizing too late. But it's never really too late. If you can identify it, even if it's late, you make it more likely to be caught sooner next time!

Do you get knee jerk jealousy? What do you do to kick the Jealousy Monster?

A Poem

My Attitude of Gratitude...
By El Baugher

Thank you for the sunshine bright
And night time dark and deep.

Thank you for the ones I love
And all the one's I meet.

Thank you for the leaves in fall
And flowers in the spring.

Thank you for the JOY inside
my heart that makes me sing!

Thank you for each trial I've faced
And all my lessons learned.

Thank you for the chance to love
And have that love returned.

Thank you for the thankfulness
That drives my life to bliss.

I can't imagine any life more wonderful than this.

My 30th Birthday!

Happy birthday to me :) Today, I am 30. April 5th, 1979~

I stopped identifying with my age when I turned 22. My whole life, I was always striving for the next number. The next turning point. The next bit of growth. I remember when I was 5 years old in kindergarten and I watched the 10/11 year old 5th graders walk through the school. They nearly looked like adults to me! I wanted to be THAT age!

When I was in 5th grade and ruling the school, I was SO excited to get up to 6th grade to be in the middle school. THOSE kids were SO cool.

Once in 6th grade, I was 12. TWELVE! Oh MY GOD, soooo nearly a teenager, I could just TASTE it. I would even, at times, refer to myself as a teenager to be immediately corrected by my mother. I was on the cusp of something HUGE! I just KNEW it! I mean, just LOOK at those high school kids! They're like, practically my mother's age (They actually WERE. When I was 12, My mother was only 26~) and they're just SO grown up.

All I could SEE was 16. That was the NUMBER! Once I was there... I'd be able to DRIVE! Mom says she doesn't know what I think I'm going to be driving but I don't care. *sigh* sixteeeeen.

Ugh. 16 is so... yuck. I'm mature enough to do whatever I want to. If I was just 18, this wouldn't suck so much. I could come and go and do whatever I wanted to whenever I wanted to. I can't wait until I'm there.

Eighteen is total bullshit! Now I'm old enough to work full time and live where I want and go into the army, but they won't let me DRINK! This is stupid! I guess it ain't illegal if ya don't get caught! (Ugh, yes that was me... I shoulda been kicked! LOL But everything then made me who I am now so I'm not going to complain!)

YEAH!!!! 21!!!! PARTY!!!! Once in a while.... on the weekends.... Have that husband and child at home now. Don't really WANT to go out much. Making a life.

Twenty Two~ I had like, a mini breakdown. I was under big time stress with the dissolving of my mother's marriage to her second husband. We spent the entire day of my birthday moving all her things out of their house and into her new second floor apartment. I was SO depressed ALLLLL day. All I could think was.... "Yep, finally got to 21... now what? Now 22. Where to from here? THIRTY! Now I understand *over the hill*. There WAS a hill! It was 21. It was up, up, up, up, BAM.... all down.

I was SO identified with that NUMBER. My husband has always said he's 19. He was 27 when we met. He said that he hit 19 years old and stopped aging internally. The rest is just biology. I thought that was funny and couldn't really believe that he truly didn't care how old he was. How could he NOT care?

Now I get it.

I am SO excited to be turning 30. I am so excited about where I am in my life and what I'm doing and what my life has been about up until now and the family I've raised and where I've come from and what I've learned. I really have an honest to goodness enthusiastic embrace on thirty. I never finished high school. I never went to college. I never even managed to get a G.E.D (General Equivalency Diploma) in place of my diploma. I found my husband when I was 19 and was a mother and had wanted more than anything to be a stay at home mom and homemaker.

Kevin was born when I was 20 and Kyle when I was 23. They're 2 years and 4 months apart.

Kevin is now 9. He has beautiful handwriting and loves to write stories. He loves anything artistic but especially drawing and he's VERY good at it. He gets straight A's every quarter and was awarded a perfect attendance award at school last year. So far this year (with 2 months left to go) he's only missed 1 day. He had a stomach bug. I'm so proud of him. We spent so much time with him when he was young. He was with ME or SCOTT. That was it. We talked to him so much that when he turned 2, he could speak clearly and hold his end of an animated conversation with an adult. People were blown away by Kevin. Even people that didn't like kids liked Kevin.

Kyle will be 7 in thirteen days on April 18th. He was a much quieter type. Shy and sweet. Didn't really talk much until he was about 3. He knew HOW and could speak clearly.... he was just content to sit quietly and play with his cars on the floor. He's STILL that way. But at 2, he was adding. He's my number kid. Right now, he's in first grade and he can complete Kevin's 3rd grade math homework and in less time by HALF to Kevin pure discontent.

I'm always telling Kevin that he has his OWN amazing traits. Whatever you're good at, you're good at. That doesn't mean you give up on everything else, but play to your strengths! That's why you HAVE strengths! They'll lead you. Talent isn't accidental. And stop measuring yourself against where anyone else is! You are the only you there is and no one else could possibly ever be exactly where you are at any given time, so stop making it sound like you should be somewhere you're not.

My husband, Scott... The most wonderfully cheerful and respectful and laid back man I've ever had the great pleasure of meeting. I was always a superficial, gossipy type person. Always worried about what everyone else thought. He was this laid back, happy guy who just kinda went with the flow. If someone didn't like him, he didn't care. If someone had a problem with something he was doing in his life, he didn't care. The irony is, until I met him, I'd always been kind of searching for God, and it was through meeting him that I found what I was looking for. He was very anti-religion when we met and nearly denied the existence of any kind of God or higher power.

So... now Scott is in agreement with me on how God exists and what God actually is. We simply agree to not use the "G" word because he doesn't like it. If the only thing he can't get past is the word, I can accept and work with that! I'm more in love with him every day (for 11 years this August!!). I couldn't be more happily married. It just couldn't be possible. The two of us have made this wonderful home together and we're raising these interesting, smart, happy, conscious little boys.

I live a healthy life where whole grains and fruits and veggies abound. I have to most awesome dog in the world, which is a big deal as I don't like dogs. Charlie is the K-9 love of my life. We get lots of exercise together daily. I have 2 beautiful cats that I adore. We are all just one big happy family here.

Right now (I'll be blogging about it soon!) we're starting a remodel in our home. I'll be getting my "Master's Suite" finally and I'm SO super excited. I've been working on it for the past 2 days.

I really love where I am in my life. Every morning I wake up excited at what the day might bring. At the rate things are moving, my 30's might be even better than my 20's! I'm 30! Wow! I think the most important lesson I learned in my 20's is... No matter what, keep moving forward. If you dwell on the past, you'll only get stuck there. Forgive, forget, move on.

I hope you're loving your life! I know I sure am!

The Link Between Cleanliness & Godliness

~ A wonderfully wise contributor to an LOA forum I'm a member of said in one of her posts ~

"LOA exercises are not rocket science. Be a little imaginative & most
of all consistent.
But the bottom line is this: You can do all the
prosperity exercises & affirmations, but if you are roaming around
in sweat pants, unkempt hair, cluttered home .. you are negating the
prosperous vibes. Every moment of your life should represent abundance ..
tidy home, nice decor (whatever you can afford & surround yourself with),
neat appearance etc. etc."

I love the part about sweat pants and an unkempt home!

I don't think a lot of people realize what their immediate surroundings and personal appearance contribute to their mental/emotional well being and vibration. I've always been a touch to the lazy side myself. I call my home, "lived in" because that best describes it. Not UN clean, but even though I'm a homemaker who doesn't work outside of my home, I can't bring myself to clean the way society dictates that I'm SUPPOSED to.

Don't get me wrong. If someone called me and said, "I'll be there in 15 minutes!", I could totally whip the living areas (living room, dining room & kitchen *all connected at my house*) into company presentable shape, but there is dust bunnies in the corners and MAN do my ceiling fans need cleaned. Anyway.... yes, I am going to make a point lol... I used to be worse.

Back in the beginning of my Law of Attraction and Spiritual discoveries, I was searching online for tips on organization because I was feeling very overwhelmed in my messy state of living.

I found Fly Lady.

Fly Lady helped me to find some semblance of order in my surroundings. Over the years, I've worked on being more organized and clutter free and clean..... but also on accepting myself as I am and only moving toward change when I was doing it simply in the pursuit of joy. In other words.... I worked on training my habits into a more organized way of being.... but only because I knew I would find relaxation and joy in the organized cleanliness.

I'd always cleaned because it's messy AGAIN and no one else is picking it up and *martyr* complain* whine* resist*. Now I clean because I want to bless my home. I want to cast a spell of organized peace and spiritual free flow on my home. I want to create, in my home, a space for all the wonderfully positive energies of the Universe to channel into my life and permeate the physical space that I hold sacred and personal.

It sure changes the way you feel about cleaning when you shift your perception on it. I know I've mentioned this before, but I also LOVE to "clean to the tune of gratitude". This is when, say, as I vacuum the carpet.... I embrace thankfulness for the abundance of shoes that we own that brought all the dirt in and the wonderful little feet that occupied some of those shoes!.... and my most awesome dog, Charlie... who is the best dog I've ever met in my life... he tracks a lot of that dirt in and I couldn't be happier that he does... He brings such light into my life.. he can track in all the dirt he wants to!... and the MAN.. the gratitude I feel in my heart for the man who tracks grease onto my carpet when he comes back home to me at night is enough to reduce me to tears if I focus fully upon it.

I WANT to clean my house! It's like walking around and taking stock of all the amazing abundance that I have in my life. When I've finished cleaning and I sit down and look around... I feel more bliss than I can express.

I'm just not a perfectionist. There are things on my table and dishes on the counter and there's a towel on the bathroom floor and shoes strewn about the front door and I REALLY need to vacuum. These things used to cause me stress. They were just more crap I had to do. A source of stress because I felt like I wasn't good enough because I couldn't seem to manage to stay on top of these things.

Now, I'm thankful that we can afford the pile of shoes and I give them away to anyone who needs them when my kids grow out of them (they grow so darn fast at times, I've given away nearly new shoes!). If there's a pile of clothes that needs folded, I don't worry about it... but I focus on how blessed we are to have them all and that I even own a washer and dryer to get them all clean and how I was able to give away my old dryer when we moved here because it was gas and we needed an electric, so we were able to buy a brand new electric one and blessed someone elses home with a nearly new gas dryer that they needed.

SO ANYWAY..... (I know I'm long winded... it's endearing... love me for it! lol)...

And the sweat pants... While being vain may not be the best... it does help one much to look at themselves in the mirror with acceptance and affection and appreciation. This is easier to do if you maintain an appearance that is pleasing to you. You know when you look good. You also know that when you feel like you LOOK good... it boosts your self confidence. You are the MASTER of your Universe. And whether you create strong, confident, joy filled WIZARD or meek, weak willed, self deprecating couch potato can very easily stem from your appearance and how the way you see yourself makes you feel. Fly Lady also covers this a bit.

I'm not saying I got ALL of this from Fly Lady.... but it was a jumping off point for me.

Her site is mainly about how not everyone was born organized and how the rest of us who struggle with our organizational skills can keep up and feel good about it. She has a yahoo group but it's not a discussion group. It's an email reminder mailing that comes throughout the day to help you in your quest for peace and lack of clutter.

If anyone has trouble with keeping their home de-cluttered or organizational skills I very highly recommend this site. http://flylady.com/ If you look around your house and don't like what you see... you are not alone... everybody's houses don't look as clean as the ones on tv either LOL.

But the way you feel about your surroundings could easily block your conscious LOA success. I don't subscribe to fly lady anymore... I simply don't need to anymore... but she really did help me... and I KNOW that my home was a spot that was blocking my progress because as soon as I got a handle on it...and got a handle on how I FELT about it by shifting my perception on it a bit... It all started flowing a LOT easier for me.

Now I'm manifesting rather quickly. I've been pretty happy with myself and my manifestations in the last few days partly because I'm manifesting very cool things but mostly because they're on a larger scale than my norm and they're manifesting at a speed that's really got me struck speechless..lol (I know... ME.. speechless... what are the chances!?!) BUT.. that's a whole different post...

Good Morning!

You Are Not What You Do!

I sat down and watched one of my FAVORITE movies this morning and it inspired me to write. What is this wonderfully inspiring movie you ask? Why, Pretty Woman of course :)

How did this movie inspire me? It occurred to me toward the very end that, as the viewer, one can't help but love "Vivian", the character played by Julia Roberts. Typically, most people would pre-judge this woman in real life and strive to NOT like her. I mean, seriously... she's a HOOKER! What kind of disgusting person goes out into the world and has sex for money?! Now, be honest... isn't that exactly what you would probably think if you were faced with her?

Yet, as we watch the movie, we're drawn in. We hear about where she came from and how she got to be where she is. We get to know her and find her humor amusing and her personality delightful. We LIKE her and sincerely hope that "Edward", Richard Geere's character (Hubba Hubba), falls in love with her just like we see her falling in love with him.

Why is it so much easier to suspend judgement and just observe when we're watching a movie, as opposed to when it's real life? Is it because in a movie, we know the characters aren't real? They're just people acting out a script and playing characters because THAT'S the role they're there to play.

In truth, isn't that what we're all actually here, on this planet, at this time and space, to do? To play out the characters we've come here to play? Every religion agrees that there is more. This isn't all there is. To the contrary, this is minuscule in comparison to where we REALLY come from and where we return to when this "movie" of our life is finished.

You are NOT what you do!

How could you be? Are you perfect? Have you never done anything you regret? Heck, most people that do "unsavory" thing only do them because they don't realize they have a choice, or they just can't see a way out. The things we do are there to teach us. Even if all they seem to teach us is that we don't want to do them. Inside every "wrong doer" is a perfect, divine spark of God simply trying to find it's way back.

When you encounter someone whom you don't agree with or whom you find distasteful, suspend your judgements and just watch the movie. You never know... maybe YOU will be the spark that lights the path for them to find their way back.

Namaste :)

Much Ado About Nothing

Ok, so here's the deal....

Something needs to give. Something about the life I'm living needs to change. I've felt inspired to make a couple of changes in the past 2 months, and they're changes I'd have never seen myself making before it struck me to make them, but I don't think I'm quite there yet.

I think I watch too much TV.

When Hubby is home in the evening, I willingly forfeit the remote. He's only home and able to relax in front of the TV from about 5:30pm till about 10:30pm, and more than half of that time is spent playing with our boys, eating supper, chatting with his gorgeous wife, showering, etc... I, on the other hand, am home all day AND we have a DVR, so I watch my shows when I'm alone during the day. This is convenient for me because, brace yourselves.... I HATE daytime TV. I don't do game shows, talk shows, morning shows, news shows OR soap operas. I don't watch ANY of it. So, I settle in with "House" or "Dog Whisperer" or "Medium" etc... during the day.

Ok, so maybe I don't watch too much TV. Maybe I just need to fill the off time with more quality. Yeah, I think that feels better when I say it.

So... on to the quality.

I've been feeling pulled into reading a lot lately. I just finished reading Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" for the second time. Not sure why I picked it up. I just walked over to the book shelf and it jumped out at me and asked to be picked up. Now I'm working my way through Dr. Wayne Dyer's "Inspiration" AND "The Power of Intention", both of which are fantastic reads so far.

I'm not sure what the purpose of this post is. I just felt compelled to write. Maybe one of you that's reading this is my key to finding inspiration.

Something's missing. I need more. I feel like I'm being called somewhere, but the caller forgot to leave directions. Seek and Ye shall find... right? Well, this is me... seeking. In the past, when I've gotten this restless, unfulfilled feeling, it was a prelude to a major shift in my consciousness and perception. I guess I'll just meditate and read and listen for that voice.

Namaste :)

Everything Happens For a Reason

I was telling my Grandma about my week this morning and was AMAZED at the easy flow everything took on and thought I'd share :)

Sunday, I went to my local APL (Animal Protective League/Humane Society) and adopted a dog. I've been wanting a small beagle and decided to "allow" one to come into my life. I woke up Sunday morning and realized the date was 1-11 and it was a full moon and I felt drawn to the APL so I went. There... in cage #11 was the cutest 4 yr old male beagle named Copper (This was the name of a dog we USED to have). He was exactly what I wanted. Older, so no puppy issues like peeing and chewing... fixed.. not jumpy or licky.. calm, pleasant and affectionate. I took these facts ALL as signs and adopted him and brought him home.

After he was here about an hour, I took him outside to do his business and he slipped his leash and ran due west at break neck speed. I ended up trudging through knee deep snow in sigle digit temps for over an hour looking for him. Then I drove around my "Country" neighborhood for an hour looking for him. He was nowhere to be found. I was SOOOO bummed, but I said a prayer for him to be healthy and happy and safe and went home.

Monday, my 6 year old son was sick. He went to school but came home that night with a low fever and looking mighty pale. My boy has a history of hallucinating when he's sick. This is somewhat common among young children and the doctor assures me it will pass with age. But, in the meantime, it can be quite un-nerving for me to console a frightened, hallucinating child.
He was fevered and ill and home from school Tuesday, Wednesday AND Thursday. Wednesday night he spiked a fever of 103 degrees and I gave him a dose of ibuprophen to bring it down. One hour later, it had not only NOT gone down, but had climbed to 104.3. In a bit of a panic, at 10:30pm, we got in the van and went to the emergency room.

They chased the ibuprophen with some Tylenol and his temp came down quickly and he perked up. They ran some tests and did a chest x-ray and concluded that he just has a flu virus and it will pass in a few days. We got back home at 2am.

I put him in bed and layed awake for hours visualizing a cool healing blue energy surrounding him. He woke up Thursday morning bright eyed and bushy tailed. No sign of fever at all. He still has a little cough, but for the most part, he's made an amazingly fast recovery.

He wanted to go to school Thursday, but I told him he needed to stay home and rest and get a little more healthy before going back. He accepted this, but asked if we could go see about getting another dog. I've called the APL everyday since Copper left and no one has brought him back. I alerted all my neighbors so if he was spotted, someone would grab him and know where he belongs, but it'd been 4 days and I'd given up hope. So... we went back to the APL to see about getting a different dog.

We found a very nice dog and decided to adopt. He wasn't a beagle like I'd wanted, but he was very sweet and calm and my son liked him. The woman there had me fill out the adoption paper, then told me that due to what had just happened with Copper, they weren't going to ALLOW me to bring this dog home. She said she'd hold him for 24 hours and I should go home and make sure this is what I really wanted. They treated me as though I was a bad person because of what had happened and as though it were my fault.

I felt humiliated and angry. All I wanted was to rescue and love a dog and they were gunna point fingers at me because the dog I got ran away?! They were the one's that named him when he came in so he didn't even respond to his name when I called to him! What was I supposed to have done!? So I left.

I came home mad. I stewed for a while and bitched about it. Then I let it go. I decided.... well, they don't know me... and I'm not going to let their stupid judgement of me keep me from having a dog. We went about our normal evening business of dinner and homework and tv. My Hubby got called out to tow a car and left. He came home about 2 hours later.. walked through the door and said, "Look who I found!" and set Copper on the floor!

As he was pulling in the driveway, the son of one of our neightbors pulled up in a car and said, "Are you the guy missing a beagle?" He had him there in his car and gave him back.

I was recounting these events to my Gram and I really started thinking about it all. It would've been REALLY difficult for me to take care of a new dog while tending my sick child all week.
New dogs need extra attention and walks etc.. and I just wouldn't have been able to do it. THEN I realized.... if the APL hadn't made me wait 24 hours, I'd have ended up with 2 dogs here last night. THEN I'd have had to take one of them back to the APL today which would've just broke my heart.

I think it's even made a difference for Copper, who's name has been changed to Charlie, because he was out and cold and hungry for FOUR whole days. Now he's here and we're loving on him and feeding him and he's warm again. He seems to already be attached to us now when before, he didn't seem to care much. And finally, I'm right up against lake Erie in NE Ohio. We're having a MAJOR cold spell as of last night. It got all the way down to - 10 last night with windchills down to -40. He couldn't have come home out of the cold at a better time.

It all worked out in the most perfect way even though I couldn't see the perfection of it from the beginning. I managed to have faith through it all that everything was exactly as it should be and would work out fine and I'm happy to report that it did.

I know some people around here have a hard time believing that "bad" things happen and end up being a good thing in the end... and although this might not be a HUGE life altering thing, it was important to me and my family... and now, I'm finding myself not only grateful that my son is better and my dog is home... but grateful that everything happened exacly as it did. It was perfectly orchistrated to turn out in a way that was best for everyone involved.

Deepak Chopra: The Happiness Prescription

See at Amazon!
I ordered this movie (seminar, talk..) from Netflix like, a week or so ago. I've been meaning to watch it, but life just gets away with me sometimes. I've had a sick boy home from school all week this week and that brings life to a screeching halt. Yesterday, while he was napping peacefully (FINALLY!), I remembered I had that DVD to watch, so I hunkered down on the couch and let 'er rip.

What a wonderful DVD! It's a 2 disc set, and I only have disc 1, so I'm sending away for the other half today, but I'm so glad I finally sat down to watch it.

It can be frustrating for me at times, to find LOA and Spirituality related things to watch and read that aren't the same old stuff I've already watched and read. Although, I would have to admit, some of the biggest and most profound shifts in consciousness I've experienced came from hearing things I've heard a billion times already. Sometimes I'm aware of things on an intellectual basis but then I hear it again one day and it just resonates deeper for me. I've had some pretty spectacular "Ah-Ha!" moments from things that are painfully obvious. It just hits me different. But, it's like that old saying.... When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. When you are primed and ready for the shift, it'll happen.

I really enjoyed this DVD. I love listening to Deepak talk. I enjoy the audio books that he narrarates too. In this DVD, he's giving a seminar type talk to a smallish audience. Then at the end, there's a question and answer portion. Some of it was the same ol' info, but some of it was very deep. I had a couple "Ah-Ha!" moments while I was watching. He talks about what happiness really means and how to acheive it. It was truly fantastic.

It seemed to conclude at the end, so I'm very curious what's on the second disc. I'll post and let you all know when it gets here. I won't put off watching the second disc as long as I did this one! LOL I'm REALLY looking forward to watching it.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

A friend of mine told me today that she's thinking of leaving her husband. She also told me that she's in love with someone else. The someone else isn't an "affair". They've openly been friends for about 6 months now and their feelings developed in response to both of them being immensely unhappy in their marriages and sympathizing with eachother. He's actively mistreated by his wife and she's been taken for granted by her husband and ignored for YEARS. Not quietly either. She's been telling him how unhappy she is for going on 6 years now, so when she confessed having feelings for another man, her husband wasn't surprised.

We had lunch together today and she dropped the bomb and told me everything. When she'd finished summing up this little bit of drama, she sighed and said, "I just don't know what to do. I'm so confused."

Happiness is a fickle creature. Or is it? Sometimes, we do what we think we should, even when that's not what we truely want. How often do you do things you don't want to, simply because you know someone will be mad at you or disappointed in you if you don't. For most people. it's all the time. Too many people stay in unhappy relationships because they're worried about what everyone will think if they leave.

I was married at 18. It was a collosal mistake of gargantuan perportions. Of course, in retrospect, had I not been there and done that, I'd have not been where I was when I met the love of my life. The life I happily live now hinged right off of the life I had and didn't want. It took one to make the other. It's this reasoning that makes me happy to have been everywhere I've been in my past. No regrets. Every road I took lead me here.

Anyway, when I left my husband, I lost my best friend of 10 years. He ran to her and gave her a sob story and because I'd always put on a happy face, she didn't even realize how unhappy our marriage was. My mother was also mad at me. "Marriage is forever!" she said. To this day I find it mildly disturbing that my own mother wanted me to remain miserable. The point is, no one was living my life. No one felt what I felt and thought what I thought. How could ANYONE presume they understood MY marriage? And that's what I told my friend today.

I've never liked her husband. It's really no secret either. He and I have always agreed to disagree and just stayed away from eachother. My feelings, however, are irrelevant. I told her that she deserves to be happy, no matter what that means. Everyone will think what they'll think... but do you really care so much that you're willing to be unhappy forever for THEM? I told her that she should stay and make it work if that's what she wants. She should leave if that's what she wants. What does he want? Who cares. What's her mother want? Who cares. You only get one shot at this life... and it's happening NOW. Don't cheat. Don't create trust issues because that will complicate everything, but be happy. Besides, just because you separate now doesn't mean you won't be together again. You don't know where this life is leading you, but if you stay stuck in an unhappy rut, how can you ever find out how happy you could be?

I believe in marriage. Not in the religious sense, because I don't believe in religion, but in the commitment. I love being married to my husband. We are committed to eachother. We support eachother and love eachother. If we were any closer, we'd be one person. Just the other day he came walking into the dining room in a stained work shirt. I couldn't tell if it was stained or dirty and I thought to myself, "I wonder if that's a dirty shirt? I wonder if it smells?" LOL. I no sooned completed that thought and he lifted the bottom up to his nose and sniffed it, then smiled coyly at me and said, "It's just stained."

That's the kind of connection we have. How good would that connection be if only one of us was comitted? Not very! It takes two to be comitted to a connection to make the connection complete. If one person is unhappy and the connection is incomplete, then what's the point?

I'm rambling, I know. :) My point is, be happy. It's your life and your feelings and your happiness. You choose. If you sit and look around at your life and don't like what you see, only you can change it. And if you're not moving in a direction that makes you feel good, then you need to rethink your travels. Sometimes drastic measures need to be taken and sometimes simple alterations make a world of difference. But it's up to you.

Thanksgiving

I know loads won't be online today due to the American holiday, but incase anyone is on, I want to send out a very warm "Happy Thanksgiving" to everyone.

I am SO thankful for all of you who influence my life, in ways I expect and in ways I don't, in ways I deem pleasant and in ways I deem unpleasant, in harmony and in contrast.

Every person I interact with in ANY way shapes me into the person I am becomming and I couldn't be ME without YOU, no matter who you are, so from the bottom of my love filled heart, thank you for being who you are and being in my life.

Peace, Love & Joy....
El

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A Life Lived is a Life Loved

Who chooses your happiness?

In America, we have the "American Dream". That used to mean that you came to America with your own dreams and ideas and desires and because America is the land of the free, you could live out your dream. Now, when you say "American Dream" people automatically see a house in the burbs, the spouse, kids, career, white picket fence etc. I'm not saying this isn't a good dream, but I do believe that lots of people remain unhappy because they're busy trying to live up to what other people think "happy" looks like. And then when they have the "American Dream" they're still unhappy and don't understand why.(Insert mid-life crisis here.) Or worse, they don't have what they think they want and their life is unhappy because they can't see that they are already whole and in possession of everything they need to be happy.

I used to be unhappy in my marriage. I deserved what I deserved and he wasn't living up to my expectations. Then one day, shortly after I began my conscious living, I got angry with him and instead of allowing my anger to flare, I began to analyze my expectations instead of analyzing why he wouldn't live up to them.

What I found changed my life.
I was unhappy because other people said I was. My husband wasn't living up to unrealistic standards imposed on him by other people. There's a certain way that I thought he had to behave if he loved me, but I was so busy focusing on what he wasn't doing, I was completely missing the things he WAS doing. The word "romantic" is a cliche' in my opinion. You think that word, you have a specific list of things that comes to mind because movies and music and books have told us forever that, that's what we should be doing and expecting.

What do you want?
Do you want to get married because you think you're supposed to? Do you want a career because you think that's what you're supposed to want?

The questions get bigger!
Do you stay unhappy in a marriage that's going nowhere because other people think you shouldn't divorce?

They're everywhere.
Do you wonder why you have things that you thought would make you happy, but find that you still feel like you're lacking?

Are you afraid that if you do what will truly make YOU happy, you'll be disappointing people that you love? Do you think that the people you love want you to be unhappy? Of course you don't. But I bet you DO think that it'll affect the way they feel about YOU if you assert yourself and do what you want if it's not what they think you should do.

But, I have a much more important question for you. Who is it that lives inside your body with your thoughts and ideas and life? Who has to make your choices and live with the results? Well, of course that would be YOU. And not anyone else. Besides, maybe one of THEIR life lessons is to learn to accept other peoples choices in their own lives and still be supportive, AKA: unconditional love. A lesson we all have to learn.

The way I feel about what family and friends think of me changed when I stopped feeling so attached to them. Yes they are my blood. Yes they are close to me. But they're also a manifestation of the very same spirit that is ME. It's like I'm learning lessons by interacting with myself. If they have negative thoughts about what I'm doing in my life, it's because THEY have issues to sort through and lessons to learn of their own. I love them and want them to feel as wonderful and happy as I am, so far be it from me to take away their lessons they need to learn to break through their self imposed limitations by acting in a way that's not true to myself in an effort to placate their irrational requirements of me.

A wonderful quote I've gotten in my inbox recently that REALLY resonated with me is:

"When you think about other people and what they think of you, do you understand that what they think of you has very little to do with what you are? It has mostly to do with the habits of thought that they have developed. It has more to do with them as thinkers than it does with you as the subject of their thought." Abraham-Hicks

Live your dreams! Don't worry about what anyone else thinks of you and your life, and don't aspire to something simply because society says that's what you SHOULD want. You can't mess up your life. You're here to do whatever you want to... so do.. want... and expand. This is the only way to really live. You can't love your life by living it for someone else. Let them live their own lives and learn their own lessons. Don't make it harder on them by reaffirming their illusions with your actions. When we all turn our focus solely on our own happiness and stop imposing our ideas of happiness on others, we will all have peace and the human power struggle will end.

Peace Be With You.

This article may be FREELY distributed as long as this footer is included.
You may not alter this article in any way. All rights reserved.
Written By: El Baugher
http://TheSmilingSpirit.com - Law of Attraction, Conscious Living & Loving Life!

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Self Hatred

Happy Tuesday Everyone!

I've had something on my mind for a few days now, so I guess it's time to write.

I'm not going to write a three mile post about self hatred, but WOW do a LOT of people think very little of themselves. I listened to someone very close to me argue a point of view the other day and she was SO very negative in her opinion. But the funny thing is, the group she was classifying as the WRONG ones is the group she falls into. She considers herself morally wrong. There's something wrong with her.

How can anyone hold such negative opinions of themselves and constantly berate themselves mentally, but then look around at their life and wonder why it's so awful?! You have to accept you for you. You are exactly who you're supposed to be. And when you grow and change into who you will become, you will STILL be exactly who you are supposed to be. You are as good as you can be for where you've come from and what you've been through. And no one, having been through the exact same things as you, could have turned out any better than you've managed to turn out.

If you were sitting in for your ideal best friend, you'd tell you how you did what you had to and you did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time... which leads me into my second point. I think most people are 100% nicer to other people than they are to themselves. Even people who come off egotistic or shallow hate themselves. They seem full of themselves because they're over compensating for what they feel they're lacking.

Many of you already know that my Spiritual journey became much more intense in the past year because of my choice to live consciously and in balance with myself. I've lost 35 pounds, changed my diet, my health and my life. I truly believe that Spiritual things started flowing because I started to love and respect myself. I stopped talkin shit to myself. I supported my thoughts and ideas and stopped being so negative all the time.

You are your greatest ally in this life. Love yourself. Make time for yourself. Don't do so much for other people that you don't do for yourself. You bring more to the table with a refreshed Spirit that you do with a stressed out, self deprecated, anxiety ridden Spirit. In the spirit of this theme, I've become a poet yet again. I'm sorry, it rhymes. LOL Deal with it!

Love, Me

I am my best friend you see.
No one loves me more than me.

When I make a mistake, I forgive and understand.
I always offer me a helping hand.

Whenever I find me feeling scared and alone,
I assure me that I'm here and remind me how much I've grown.

I don't put me down or tell me I'm bad
I tell me I'm great and I love me like mad.

The very first step to a life of joy with no end,
Is to turn love onto yourself, and be your own best friend.

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A Synchronistic Life

Back on October 16th, I posted here about "Confronting My Ego Monster" because I had a sudden urge to prove I was right when someone disagreed with me about The Law of Attraction. I am going to quote him here because I want you to understand the rest of this post.

Here's the comment that pissed me off:

*"I’m a great believer in positive thinking, I think affirmations and visualization can be very useful tools for personal development. But talk of a “Law” of attraction is just twaddle, there is no scientific justification for such claims. Proponents quote quantum physics, but there is no evidence that by sending out magnetic vibrations we can influence events - and get a parking space!!But if others find it useful, fine, so long as they do no harm to others (or start suggesting those suffering disease or famine haven’t been thinking properly)."*

So.... I ranted a little with some of my LOA friends, and I wrote a blog post about it. I needed to embrace and understand my irritation as opposed to burying it and letting it fester. I figured the best way to release my anger was to allow myself to FEEL it. Denial never served anyone.

The thing I kept thinking through it all was: I wish I knew MORE about quantum physics and the scientific angle of LOA so I would be able to explain it to someone who was so completely missing the point. Of course, in retrospect, that sure sounds like setting an intention. I didn't even realize I was doing it at the time. It wasn't a conscious intention. I was just angry and I'm not used to being unable to articulate exactly what I mean.

Now, I'm a member of Audible.com. I signed up for a free trial and forgot to cancel after 30 days. Isn't that just how it always works? LOL Audible sells downloadable audio books. On October 20th..... 4 days after I sent out the intention to know more and be able to explain quantum physics... I get an email from Audible. My new credits are available. CRAP! I forgot to cancel again. I browsed their metaphysical and self help sections and found nothing of interest to me which is why I'd intended to cancel in the first place.

Of course they won't allow you to cancel and give you back your money. You have to use your credit, then cancel. So I might as well go and see if I can find SOMETHING of interest. So I went. I got to my account page and there was a recommendation for me. They recommended *The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire - By: Deepak Chopra* I've read one other Deepak Chopra book and had enjoyed it, so I figured.... what the hell, nuttin to lose, and traded my credit for this book and downloaded it.

OH MY GOD! I began listening to it as soon as the download finished and I ended up sitting here for the full 6 hours and listened to the whole thing. Of COURSE the whole first half of the book was a dumb ass friendly explanation of quantum physics and how it related directly to The Law of Attraction. I now feel SO much more confident about my knowledge of quantum physics. I've never been a science person, so every other explanation I'd ever gotten was just slightly beyond my understanding. This book could not have been more perfect for me at this time. I really did get exactly what I wanted. And I didn't do anything to get it except to ask.

Of course I'm now going to very highly recommend this book! It is fantastic. The second half of the book was also just was I needed. I've felt kinda stuck. Not sure where to turn next. Wanting to further my personal and spiritual growth, but really unsure how or what to do now. Deepak walks you through, step by step. Tells all about how to get where and what to do once you're there. I found it to be one of the most enlightening books I've EVER read. I'm almost done listening to it for the second time and I ordered it from Amazon because I want to have it in print. Referencing specific chapters will be easier in print. It should be here today or Monday and I can't even TELL you how excited I am. If you have ANY questions about personal development or quantum physics, you have got to read this book.

I've also ordered a bunch of documentary style movies that are spiritual in nature. I will post about them as I watch and let yall know if they were worth the hype. I'm starting with "A Course in Miracles".

If you click this box, it will take you to a place where you can read an excerpt from the book.

Happy Creating,

El

Visit my homepage at The Smiling Spirit

Believe it and Be it

I was watching "Grey's Anatomy" on my DVR this morning and I was struck by a character appearing on this episode. He was a man of about 45 who spent most of the episode listing off the long list of things that had gone wrong in his life.


The complainer filled every room he was in with a litany of grievances about his life. He complained about things that had happened years before and that are currently happening now. He wasn't even angry though. He seemed defeated, like he woke up every day expecting life to shit on him. He said things like, "God hates me" and "It can't get worse than this" constantly. I've known people like this in my life and it always amazes me that they spend their days repeating affirmations like that and never realize they're only getting what they asked for.

Anyway... The complainer needed a major surgery and considered not having it because he hated his crappy life and thought he might prefer to die from whatever was ailing him. One of the doctors said to him, "You have to have SOMETHING to live for. Even the possibility of something." and that's what got him. He thought of a woman he wanted to talk to, but had never had the courage, and the doc said, "Well, this surgery will change your luck, and then you can say hello."

The guy's attitude changed. He seemed uplifted by such an idea as a change in luck and a second chance. This uplifted attitude was the one he had as he went in for surgery. The climax of the show was the water pipe crisis. The ceiling of the complainer's O.R. collapsed mid surgery, and the unconscious man, with chest open, got covered in debris and unsanitary water. While the surgeons were trying to clean the man up and digging through his body cavity checking for debris, they found a tumor on his pancreas.

They lead the viewer to believe that this guy has every reason to believe God hates him going into commercial, but upon return, we learn that the tumor is cancer, which is generally terminal by the time it's found on the pancreas, but because of the ceiling collapse and debris, the doctors were digging where they shouldn't have been and they found the cancer in stage 1 and removed it. The man was going to be fine and live a long and happy life and it's all because of his bad luck.

I know this is only a television show, but things like this happen all the time. Ok, not night time tv drama stuff to a tee, but I'm talking concepts here! People walk around constantly complaining about their lives and the people they know and their jobs and their family. How can a person expect God to give them anything other than what they're asking for?

But in the end of the show, it works out to the complainer's highest good. In the end, he has a shift in his vibe and looks forward to what he DOES want, the woman.. or at least the CHANCE to just talk to her, and with this amazing feeling of excited anticipation, he goes under the knife and when the crisis happens, the one that would've left him saying "Why does this always happen to me?!", instead it's the event that saves his life. I don't believe things like that happen on accident. I think when you expect good things, you get good things. If you're waiting for the sky to fall, then I hope you have your umbrella handy, but of course you would.... you'd have brought it anticipating the fall!

You don't have to live up to anything. You can't fail anyone but yourself. You are loved and all is well. You have created your world to be exactly as you believe it has to be. If you want to change your life, the first step is to stop believing that it has to be the way it is.

In truth, it can be any way you want it to be. In the words of Cat Stevens - Well, if you want to sing out, sing out. And if you want to be free, be free. There's a million things to be, you know there are.

Peace & Love,
El

The Remedy is the Experience

* At 5am this morning, I woke from a dream I was having. I don't remember specifics, but in my dream, I was going about a normal day, but everything I did seemed to go wrong or fall apart. I kept telling myself (in the dream) that everything happens for a reason and there's a higher power at work here and I kept laughing off whatever thing had gone wrong, but it was getting harder and harder to laugh because I was becoming irritated as things continued to be different from how I wanted them to be.

I woke up to my alarm at 6am after dozing in and out for an hour after that dream. I thought about how I hate having days like the one in my dream and hoped I wasn't getting ready to have one today. My Hubby got called to work at 7, so I took my boys down to the end of the driveway and put them on the school bus. Hubby arrived back as the boys were leaving so we hung out and talked for half an hour. I'd planned on going to the bread store (where the bread's cheap) this morning to get a bunch of bread for my freezer, so as Hubby left for work, I followed him out of the driveway and headed off on my way.

* I get 8 miles from home..... 1 mile from my destination when a voice in my head tells me to look in my purse and make sure I have money. I grab my purse as I'm sitting at a red light and dig through real quick. I not only have no money, but my wallet isn't inside, so I don't have a debit or credit card either. I had to turn around and go back home.

As I head in the direction I just came from, I decide there's no way I'm driving all the way back up here today. My Hubby is very gas conscientious and would have a stroke anyway. I'm a little annoyed with myself because if I'd checked before I left, this wouldn't be an issue. Then I think of the dream I had. *Everything happens for a reason... there's a higher power at work here* I say to myself and continue home.

I have a mixed CD in my van. I call it my "power mix". It's just a bunch of songs that I love that make me feel good. One of the songs is by Jason Mraz. It's called "Remedy". I was listening to it during the last 3-4 miles of my trip home. The first line of the chorus is... "The remedy is the experience." Here's where it all got a little weird. LOL The following is the thought process that blew through my head at lightning speed. Please excuse me if I go in a circle at any time. Thought processes get you from point A to point B, but it's rarely a straight line!

I mulled this phrase in my head for a moment and decided.... the remedy to an experience really IS the experience. It's through the denial of your current circumstances that you perpetuate the negativity to reoccur. When you accept what's happening and actually allow yourself to experience it, good or bad, you free yourself of the cycle.

Need an example?

**A woman gets beat by her husband. She's miserable and wants out. When she accepts the fact that she's in an abusive relationship and that he doesn't really mean it when he says he's sorry, she can begin to break the cycle and remedy her situation. When she accepts the apology and denies the abuse, she perpetuates the negative cycle.

**When a person finds themselves going in circles and chasing their tails by dating the same kind of person over and over, they're in a cycle. They say they're an "asshole magnet" but the truth is, if they could look at and experience what's really there they'd see the pattern. Most continue on in their patterns though and blame the world because "All the good ones are married".

I believe that a situation will repeatedly repeat itself until you experience it fully and take away the lesson you've been trying to learn from it. If you can see a pattern in your life, there's a belief or thought process you should be examining. Shifting the belief or process to serve you will dissolve the patterns and cycles.

But it's the belief that creates the experience in the first place. So if you're miserable in your experience, the things you believe to be true are to blame. And changing the belief to serve your happiness will change your experience to suit you better.

So.... your beliefs.... beliefs being: thoughts you think over and over and identify with in some way, therefore seeing them as irrefutable truths... your negative beliefs create an experience.... you use the negative experience as PROOF that the belief you hold is true... and you struggle against the situation until you are through it... and then you say... SEE, that's why I know that (fill in the blank with the belief) is TRUE! And so as you believe what you are saying.... you are busily creating another experience to PROVE you right again. There's the pattern.

The remedy to the experience is experiencing what you've created as it IS, instead of as you've already labeled it, or as you saw it last time, or as people SAY you should see it. When you see it for what it is, it can't continue being what you used to think it was because when you don't believe in something, it can't BE.

So the thoughts and beliefs that you hold in your mind and heart that are negative and self sabotaging are like the poison..... but the experience those thoughts and beliefs create is the remedy when you experience it as it is. It's almost like the Universe reflects back your beliefs and God's saying, "Oh honey, now look how yucky you feel from creating this for yourself. Well now you'll know to do it different next time." But we don't GET that message. So we go RIGHT back out and recreate the experience again. The life you live is like looking out at a reflection of your mind. When you truly change a belief, you WILL see your world begin to change to accommodate your new belief.

*As my thoughts are wrapping up the rampage they went on, I remembered my "dream mantra".... Everything happens for a reason. There's a higher power at work here.

NOTE: This is by far the most hysterical synchronicity I have ever seen happen in my life. You can't make this stuff up! I laughed the whole last mile home!

I pulled up to the stop sign at the end of my road and was waiting to cross the intersection and into the last mile of my journey back home. A truck turned off of the main road and onto MY road heading in the same direction I was. As this white, dually truck turns in front of me... there on the tailgate, in black bold letters it says, "Higher Power". Cross my heart, hope to die.. stick a needle in my EYE...THAT'S WHAT WAS ON THE BACK OF THE TRUCK!!! (Hey K... have you ever seen this truck around?!)

Anyway, I laughed. I see synchronicities quite a bit... and I ask for parking spots a lot as we leave and get them... and I started shaking my hands and saying "Booga Booga" at the kids. They laugh. LOL So that was my morning adventure. I hope your morning adventures were fruitful.

Peace & Love,
El

Who Are You?

* I recently realized that I've changed SO much over the past 2 years, that no one in my life knows me anymore, except my Hubby. Funny how alone it makes you feel when you realize that every single person who's ever known you thinks of you very differently than you are. I mean, I USED to be that person. They're not REALLY far off base. But I'm night and day to that girl now.

My friend K uses a word that I love. It's... surfacey. Yeah, you read that right. It's a word to describe the pursuits and concerns of people who are completely wrapped up in ego and who live their lives seeing themselves as separate from the rest of the life on the planet. People who live their lives only on the surface, and cut themselves off from their own peace. That was the girl I was. We'll call her "Surfacey El".

So, I realized quite suddenly one day that every person in my life, outside my husband and children, doesn't have the slightest clue who I really am. I think I've always behaved in an individually, specific way around different individuals in my life. Not meaning to really, but this person laughs at these kinds of jokes, and that person enjoys my dry wit, while the other person enjoys my quick sarcasm. The things about all these traits is, they went away. I mean, not completely, but most of my jokes, wit and sarcasm came from a negative, disconnected place. And that negative, disconnected space in me doesn't run my life anymore. I'm not "Surfacey El" anymore. Well... most of the time. LOL

I'm still learning to cultivate emotions of love and connectedness to my fellow man, but for the most part... I manage to stay connected. I don't automatically criticize people anymore. A silly looking pair of pants and a bright hat would send me into a frenzy of "OMG! Why would someone want to wear that, bla bla bla, etc, etc." I've been learning through my children though. My 8 yr old dressed up in a way that I wouldn't, but when he asked how he looked, I asked him how he felt. He said he felt good, and so I told him ... "If it makes you feel good, then you look GREAT"

That was a powerful sentence in my life. Since then, when I see someone looking like what I would have labeled as STUPID before.... now, I think, WOW... they must feel FANTASTIC! I think the people in my life are actually disappointed when I don't come off with the same old wise cracks that I used to, but I just don't FEEL it anymore.

So here I am. This fantastic new person and I don't have anyone to share me with. Everyone expects me to be different than I am and I'm tired of switching from Surfacey El to Real El all the time. But the thing is... I didn't realize I was tired of doing that, or even that I was really doing it. It was almost unconscious. No.... it WAS unconscious. Because I'd be talking to someone and there's be moments of clarity when I would actually HEAR the things I was saying, and I'd think... WHAT!? What the hell are you saying that for?!... but then I'd get sucked back into whatever drama I was hearing about and the Real El was again forgotten until the ride home.

Then, one day not too long ago... I came out of my LOA closet. You may remember the blog post about it. To recap, I was at my friend T's house (HI T!) and we started having a spiritual/religious discussion and I totally outed myself. Told her what I thought and my ideas on the Universe and God and creation and conscious living and loa and intention/manifestation. I questioned my sanity at the time, but on the ride home, I decided that I wasn't going to be Surfacey El anymore! I'm not her anymore. I was unhappy when I WAS her. No more going back!

The funny thing about all of it though, is that, when I decided to stop being anyone other than who I am now, the Universe compensated by sending me my friend K. I asked the Universe for a friend that was more like the Real El and less like the Surfacey El 6 or 7 months ago, but I was still "popping in and out of consciousness" if you will and I couldn't have her yet. Then I decided there'd be no more popping in and out to suit the expectations of whoever I was around, and suddenly, there was the friend I'd asked for. I committed to being myself no matter what, and God sent me someone who would love, accept and understand me for the new person that I am.

Who do the people in YOUR life think you are? Are you your authentic self, or do you put on a mask? I'm so much happier being my happy, laid back, peace filled self.

Here's to having the courage to be yourself!

Peace & Love,
El

Eat, Pray, Love

Good Saturday Everyone!

To go along with my current weight-loss goal, I wanted a new book to listen to on my MP3 player while I run and walk daily. I recently saw Elizabeth Gilbert on Oprah talking about her new book "Eat, Pray, Love". As I was browsing my local library, there it was, looking me right in the face.

"What a coincidence!" my brain thought, but I just laughed at it. I've come to know better than to lend weight to accidental occurrence. There's simply no such thing.

I'd felt a kinship with this woman as she talked about how lost she'd felt and how she'd wanted to experience life and herself and God. I knew I wanted to read this book, and there it was.... in CD form, exactly as I'd have wanted it. Perfect timing... of course.

Well, this is the point where I tell you all that I LOVE THIS BOOK! I feel as though this woman is feeling my feelings. Although her path lead her through a life where she had to hit rock bottom to find her way up, I found that her path was still the same as my own. Her learning process and the way things hit her and when. Much of the time, as I'm listening to her voice, reading me these words she so passionately wrote, I think, "WOW! If I had articulated those feelings of mine, they'd have emerged in the exact same phrases as hers!"

I'm only 2/3 through the book, but I had to come here and talk about it briefly. I want to VERY highly recommend this book to all of you. Here's a link.

Eat, Pray, Love - By Elizabeth Gilbert

I hope you all had a fantastic Saturday! See ya later.

Peace & Love,

El

My Weight Loss Musings

*Monday morning, I woke up and instead of going right into my gratitude meditation as I normally do (I find that meditating on being grateful is a FANTASTIC way to start my day), I found myself thinking about losing weight.

Back in September of 2007, my scale hit a scary 205 pounds. I have weighed as much as 260 in the past, but always longed to see the 160 of my teenaged years. And it bears meantioning that I'm 5'10" tall. I joined Curves (a circuit training gym for women) and totally changed the way myself and my family eat and between September 2007 and May 2008, I managed to take off 33 pounds, leaving me at 167 pounds. My mini men got out of school for the summer and I couldn't go to the gym so I walked and jogged daily and sometimes less and managed to maintain my weight loss without much effort. I did go from 167 up to 170/172 but I didn't think much of it. I spent the summer pretty happy with my body and my weight. I got some new clothes and felt really good... health wise AND about myself. I'd originally set my goal at 160, but I was in no hurry.

*Back to Monday morning. There I lay, thinking about losing weight. And I thought... that's odd... maybe it's time to actively go for that goal again...maybe this spontaneous thought pattern is a sign. I got out of bed and went about my day but the weight loss thoughts kept returning on and off. Having not been on my laptop in what seemed like forever, I decided to go read the blogs that I usually follow. On the blog, "My Gratitude Journal", the most recent post was entitled Love Your Body - No Matter What! Of course it was about her current weight loss and goals. (Singin *Sign, sign, everywhere a sign.)

Later, when my boys came home, my 8 years old says, "I'm gunna go outside and rake some leaves to celebrate the first day of fall!!"

"The first day of fall? Is it??" I asked.
"Yeah" he said, "We talked about it in school today."

Wow... I wake up thinking about losing weight out of nowhere... then there's blog posts on the topic and now I find out it's the first day of fall... you know... the season when mother nature shakes off all the excess. Boy... it's really lookin' like a sign to me now. I get up and walk across the room to look at this day on the calendar and see that this day is ALSO the first day of the moon's 3rd phase. On the day marking the 3rd seasonal quarter (fall) nature also marks the 3rd lunar quarter. And it's a Monday. Who doesn't love starting a new habit on the first day of the week. It's a fresh start.

*So, I wrote down my morning weight from that morning... 171 LBs... and I've decided that I'm going to lose 11 pounds by October 22, 2008. One month. I can SO do this!! My friend K has been wanting to conquer her last 10 pounds too, so we've decided to do it together. She dragged me 4 1/2 miles down the road on foot the other day. Boy can that girl haul ass! We both love walking and it gives us time to gab, so it ends up being a really fun time.

I'm going to put my little weight loss icon back on my vision board. Mondays will be my weekly weigh day. I am so psyched about the idea of weighing 160 pounds again. That's what it takes though... a passion about what you want. I'm so happy about this, there's no way I can fail! I might have to steal Jeannette Maw's mantra/affermation about losing weight while she sleeps.

*Ya know... this just occured to me. I experienced the most life changing parts of my spiritual journey during the time of my weight loss, as I really learned to love and respect my body. Lately, like the last 2 weeks, I've been feeling a little.... stalled. I've had my mind on other things and was spending time getting to know K, but I was REALLY on a roll for a while and I feel like I'm stuck and I need to step in a direction other than where I am now. So maybe I'm being pulled back into my weight loss as an avenue for me to find my way. Maybe God knows it worked and got through to me the first time.... a second go-round might be just what I need. Boy, writing is almost like meditation sometimes. I love it. Even if all that didn't make much sense to you, that up there is JUST what I needed. LOL

Anyway, that's where I am right now. Learning to love my body, regardless of it's shape, size, or weight is where I found my connection to God. Loving yourself is the hardest thing in the world for so many people but it's where you will find peace, and exercise and weight loss was the path that lead me there. I guess I'm off to further seek my truth by releaving my form of these 11 pounds.

I hope your path is leading you in a direction that feels good. If it's not.... change your path. A different direction is never more than 1 step away!

Peace & Love,
El

My Communication with Mother Nature

I had a very cool experience the other night and I wanted to share it with yall.

Right now, I'm listening to Deepak Chopra's book, "The Book of Secrets" on my MP3 player. In the section I'm in, he talks about how, you ARE the Universe. The Universe is IN you as much as you are IN the Universe. And how the Universe is a writhing sea of life. The Universe itself is alive, and you should build a personal relationship with the Universe the same as you would with another person.

Well, he says in this section to contemplate this idea: When you're driving down the road and you see a beautiful sunset and you think, "Oh, what a beautiful sunset!", consider that you and the sunset are NOT simply existing within the same fragment of time and within view of each other. Instead consider the idea that the sunset is natures way of catching you intention. That it's actually JUST for you, because no other living thing will see that sunset in the same way as you. Whenever something catches your attention, or you see something out of the corner of your eye that causes you to turn your head, it was meant specifically for you to see. The Universe and Nature are trying to send you lovely images to appreciate.

So, all that being said, here's the coolest thing that's ever happened to me.

After that section of the book, I walked around like a grinning fool for a while. I looked out my window at the trees a moment or 2 longer than usual, and when a bird in flight or a falling leaf caught my eye, I stopped and watched it and applied the thought that it was happening specifically for me. This became an almost overwhelming idea. It made me feel like the whole landscape was a stage where the Universe was acting out these wonderful dances just for my amusement. I smiled warmly and told the Universe how beautiful I thought it was and thanked it for doing it's dance for me.

About 6pm (note:Still very light out. Not even close to dusk yet.) Saturday night, my Hubby and boys were all outside and I'd been doing housework all day trying to catch up from being sick and tending the sick. It was time for a sit, so I walked into the dining room to open my laptop and sit at the table. As I walked past the picture window, frantic movement outside caught my attention and I stopped and looked out.

The huge Maple tree in my back yard was blowing in the breeze, but I swear, it looked like all the leaves were waving at me! They were all straight up, like a hand, and waving back and forth in an almost unnatural way... WAVING! I couldn't help but smile and giggle, and not sure what to do, I lifted my hand and enthusiastically waved back at the tree. And I said, out loud, "I see you trying to get my attention out there!! You're beautiful and perfect and I appreciate you so much!"

Then I saw it. The moon. Beautiful crescent moon, glowing way brighter than it normally would be given how bright it was outside. It was really breathtaking. The moon was, from my perception, hovering in the sky, just to the right of the waving tree. And I said to the tree, "Wow, thank you for getting my attention! I'm glad you waved me down to see the moon... it's BEAUTIFUL!"

Now, this alone was pretty cool. I was ginning like a fool as I thanked the tree for showing me the moon (There's a sentence I never imagined myself saying!), but the next part is what made it amazing to me.

As soon as I said my thanks to the tree, out of nowhere, and seemingly in answer to my thanks, a HUGE hawk flew into my view and began to circle the moon! Not literally circling the whole moon obviously... and not flying in a horizontal, lazy, soaring circle, as though circling prey, but flying up into the sky to above the moon on the left, over the top, down the right side, around the under side, and back up the left side.... in a great big circle...around the moon!

I was speechless.... and it was breathtaking! It circled the moon a full 5 times, as though thanking me for my love and attention, and then it was gone. I didn't even see which way it flew off... and I looked for a dark spot in the sky, but it was totally gone.

I stood in the window, almost in tears, completely awed by what had just happened.... and positive that it had, in fact, been a display of nature that was intended specifically for me. Deepak says, (enter paraphrase) the universe responds to every single thought you think, and if you pay attention to your thoughts, and to the Universe around you, you will see the response that's given just for you. I thought it would be a little weird to think of spontaneous nature as acting out just for my attention, but WOW... I decided to adopt the perception and really feel it.. and I'm just stunned.

I would have to say... it's very easy to keep your vibe up and happy when you think of life and nature in this way. I found that every time I turned around all day, nature was giving me something to smile about. And you're SWIMMING in feelings of being perfect and loved and special when you really feel like it's all a play happening on the stage of the Universe...just for your pleasure! It was really an amazing day... and I think it's leading into an amazing time in my life.

Much Love,
El