My 30th Birthday!

Happy birthday to me :) Today, I am 30. April 5th, 1979~

I stopped identifying with my age when I turned 22. My whole life, I was always striving for the next number. The next turning point. The next bit of growth. I remember when I was 5 years old in kindergarten and I watched the 10/11 year old 5th graders walk through the school. They nearly looked like adults to me! I wanted to be THAT age!

When I was in 5th grade and ruling the school, I was SO excited to get up to 6th grade to be in the middle school. THOSE kids were SO cool.

Once in 6th grade, I was 12. TWELVE! Oh MY GOD, soooo nearly a teenager, I could just TASTE it. I would even, at times, refer to myself as a teenager to be immediately corrected by my mother. I was on the cusp of something HUGE! I just KNEW it! I mean, just LOOK at those high school kids! They're like, practically my mother's age (They actually WERE. When I was 12, My mother was only 26~) and they're just SO grown up.

All I could SEE was 16. That was the NUMBER! Once I was there... I'd be able to DRIVE! Mom says she doesn't know what I think I'm going to be driving but I don't care. *sigh* sixteeeeen.

Ugh. 16 is so... yuck. I'm mature enough to do whatever I want to. If I was just 18, this wouldn't suck so much. I could come and go and do whatever I wanted to whenever I wanted to. I can't wait until I'm there.

Eighteen is total bullshit! Now I'm old enough to work full time and live where I want and go into the army, but they won't let me DRINK! This is stupid! I guess it ain't illegal if ya don't get caught! (Ugh, yes that was me... I shoulda been kicked! LOL But everything then made me who I am now so I'm not going to complain!)

YEAH!!!! 21!!!! PARTY!!!! Once in a while.... on the weekends.... Have that husband and child at home now. Don't really WANT to go out much. Making a life.

Twenty Two~ I had like, a mini breakdown. I was under big time stress with the dissolving of my mother's marriage to her second husband. We spent the entire day of my birthday moving all her things out of their house and into her new second floor apartment. I was SO depressed ALLLLL day. All I could think was.... "Yep, finally got to 21... now what? Now 22. Where to from here? THIRTY! Now I understand *over the hill*. There WAS a hill! It was 21. It was up, up, up, up, BAM.... all down.

I was SO identified with that NUMBER. My husband has always said he's 19. He was 27 when we met. He said that he hit 19 years old and stopped aging internally. The rest is just biology. I thought that was funny and couldn't really believe that he truly didn't care how old he was. How could he NOT care?

Now I get it.

I am SO excited to be turning 30. I am so excited about where I am in my life and what I'm doing and what my life has been about up until now and the family I've raised and where I've come from and what I've learned. I really have an honest to goodness enthusiastic embrace on thirty. I never finished high school. I never went to college. I never even managed to get a G.E.D (General Equivalency Diploma) in place of my diploma. I found my husband when I was 19 and was a mother and had wanted more than anything to be a stay at home mom and homemaker.

Kevin was born when I was 20 and Kyle when I was 23. They're 2 years and 4 months apart.

Kevin is now 9. He has beautiful handwriting and loves to write stories. He loves anything artistic but especially drawing and he's VERY good at it. He gets straight A's every quarter and was awarded a perfect attendance award at school last year. So far this year (with 2 months left to go) he's only missed 1 day. He had a stomach bug. I'm so proud of him. We spent so much time with him when he was young. He was with ME or SCOTT. That was it. We talked to him so much that when he turned 2, he could speak clearly and hold his end of an animated conversation with an adult. People were blown away by Kevin. Even people that didn't like kids liked Kevin.

Kyle will be 7 in thirteen days on April 18th. He was a much quieter type. Shy and sweet. Didn't really talk much until he was about 3. He knew HOW and could speak clearly.... he was just content to sit quietly and play with his cars on the floor. He's STILL that way. But at 2, he was adding. He's my number kid. Right now, he's in first grade and he can complete Kevin's 3rd grade math homework and in less time by HALF to Kevin pure discontent.

I'm always telling Kevin that he has his OWN amazing traits. Whatever you're good at, you're good at. That doesn't mean you give up on everything else, but play to your strengths! That's why you HAVE strengths! They'll lead you. Talent isn't accidental. And stop measuring yourself against where anyone else is! You are the only you there is and no one else could possibly ever be exactly where you are at any given time, so stop making it sound like you should be somewhere you're not.

My husband, Scott... The most wonderfully cheerful and respectful and laid back man I've ever had the great pleasure of meeting. I was always a superficial, gossipy type person. Always worried about what everyone else thought. He was this laid back, happy guy who just kinda went with the flow. If someone didn't like him, he didn't care. If someone had a problem with something he was doing in his life, he didn't care. The irony is, until I met him, I'd always been kind of searching for God, and it was through meeting him that I found what I was looking for. He was very anti-religion when we met and nearly denied the existence of any kind of God or higher power.

So... now Scott is in agreement with me on how God exists and what God actually is. We simply agree to not use the "G" word because he doesn't like it. If the only thing he can't get past is the word, I can accept and work with that! I'm more in love with him every day (for 11 years this August!!). I couldn't be more happily married. It just couldn't be possible. The two of us have made this wonderful home together and we're raising these interesting, smart, happy, conscious little boys.

I live a healthy life where whole grains and fruits and veggies abound. I have to most awesome dog in the world, which is a big deal as I don't like dogs. Charlie is the K-9 love of my life. We get lots of exercise together daily. I have 2 beautiful cats that I adore. We are all just one big happy family here.

Right now (I'll be blogging about it soon!) we're starting a remodel in our home. I'll be getting my "Master's Suite" finally and I'm SO super excited. I've been working on it for the past 2 days.

I really love where I am in my life. Every morning I wake up excited at what the day might bring. At the rate things are moving, my 30's might be even better than my 20's! I'm 30! Wow! I think the most important lesson I learned in my 20's is... No matter what, keep moving forward. If you dwell on the past, you'll only get stuck there. Forgive, forget, move on.

I hope you're loving your life! I know I sure am!