Don't Worry, Be Happy

A friend of mine told me today that she's thinking of leaving her husband. She also told me that she's in love with someone else. The someone else isn't an "affair". They've openly been friends for about 6 months now and their feelings developed in response to both of them being immensely unhappy in their marriages and sympathizing with eachother. He's actively mistreated by his wife and she's been taken for granted by her husband and ignored for YEARS. Not quietly either. She's been telling him how unhappy she is for going on 6 years now, so when she confessed having feelings for another man, her husband wasn't surprised.

We had lunch together today and she dropped the bomb and told me everything. When she'd finished summing up this little bit of drama, she sighed and said, "I just don't know what to do. I'm so confused."

Happiness is a fickle creature. Or is it? Sometimes, we do what we think we should, even when that's not what we truely want. How often do you do things you don't want to, simply because you know someone will be mad at you or disappointed in you if you don't. For most people. it's all the time. Too many people stay in unhappy relationships because they're worried about what everyone will think if they leave.

I was married at 18. It was a collosal mistake of gargantuan perportions. Of course, in retrospect, had I not been there and done that, I'd have not been where I was when I met the love of my life. The life I happily live now hinged right off of the life I had and didn't want. It took one to make the other. It's this reasoning that makes me happy to have been everywhere I've been in my past. No regrets. Every road I took lead me here.

Anyway, when I left my husband, I lost my best friend of 10 years. He ran to her and gave her a sob story and because I'd always put on a happy face, she didn't even realize how unhappy our marriage was. My mother was also mad at me. "Marriage is forever!" she said. To this day I find it mildly disturbing that my own mother wanted me to remain miserable. The point is, no one was living my life. No one felt what I felt and thought what I thought. How could ANYONE presume they understood MY marriage? And that's what I told my friend today.

I've never liked her husband. It's really no secret either. He and I have always agreed to disagree and just stayed away from eachother. My feelings, however, are irrelevant. I told her that she deserves to be happy, no matter what that means. Everyone will think what they'll think... but do you really care so much that you're willing to be unhappy forever for THEM? I told her that she should stay and make it work if that's what she wants. She should leave if that's what she wants. What does he want? Who cares. What's her mother want? Who cares. You only get one shot at this life... and it's happening NOW. Don't cheat. Don't create trust issues because that will complicate everything, but be happy. Besides, just because you separate now doesn't mean you won't be together again. You don't know where this life is leading you, but if you stay stuck in an unhappy rut, how can you ever find out how happy you could be?

I believe in marriage. Not in the religious sense, because I don't believe in religion, but in the commitment. I love being married to my husband. We are committed to eachother. We support eachother and love eachother. If we were any closer, we'd be one person. Just the other day he came walking into the dining room in a stained work shirt. I couldn't tell if it was stained or dirty and I thought to myself, "I wonder if that's a dirty shirt? I wonder if it smells?" LOL. I no sooned completed that thought and he lifted the bottom up to his nose and sniffed it, then smiled coyly at me and said, "It's just stained."

That's the kind of connection we have. How good would that connection be if only one of us was comitted? Not very! It takes two to be comitted to a connection to make the connection complete. If one person is unhappy and the connection is incomplete, then what's the point?

I'm rambling, I know. :) My point is, be happy. It's your life and your feelings and your happiness. You choose. If you sit and look around at your life and don't like what you see, only you can change it. And if you're not moving in a direction that makes you feel good, then you need to rethink your travels. Sometimes drastic measures need to be taken and sometimes simple alterations make a world of difference. But it's up to you.