Raising Children: Why Do We Have to Make Them Miserable?

(This is a post that was made in a forum group I belong to. I found it incredible and wanted to share it.)


Osho, why do I feel hesitation in enjoying anything?

JOY IS NOT ALLOWED -- you are preconditioned against joy. From the verychildhood you have been taught that if you are happy then something is wrong.Unhappy, then everything is good. Miserable, nobody is worried about it. But ifyou are too happy, everybody is worried about you -- you must have donesomething wrong.Whenever a child is happy the parents start looking for the cause: he must havedone some mischief or something.

Why he is so happy? THE PARENTS ARE NOT HAPPY-- THEY HAVE A DEEP JEALOUSY TOWARDS THE CHILD BECAUSE HE IS HAPPY. They may notbe aware of it, but they are jealous. And it is easy to tolerate somebody else'smisery, but it is almost impossible to tolerate anybody else's happiness.I was reading an anecdote. A very religious father was bringing up his son asperfectly as possible. One day when they were going to church he gave the boytwo coins: one, a one rupee coin; another, a one paise coin. He also gave himthe choice that whatsoever he thinks is right he can put in the donation platein the church. He could choose the rupee or the paise.Of course the father believed and hoped that he would put the rupee in thechurch plate. Because he had been brought up in such a way -- he could beexpected to, relied upon.The father waited. After church he was very curious to know what happened. Heasked the boy what he did.The boy admitted that he had donated the one paise coin and kept the rupee forhimself.The father couldn't believe it. He said, "Why? Why you did this? -- we havealways been inculcating great principles in you."The boy said, "You ask why? I will tell you the reason. The priest in churchtalked right before. In his sermon he said, 'God loveth a cheerful donator.' Icould donate the one paise coin cheerfully -- not the one rupee!"God loveth the cheerful giver.

And I am absolutely in agreement with the boy.What you do is not the question -- you are religious if you can do itcheerfully. It may be a one paise coin -- doesn't matter. It is immaterialbecause the real coin that you are giving is your cheerfulness.But from the very beginning EVERY CHILD IS TAUGHT NOT TO BE SO CHEERFUL. To becheerful is to be childish. To be cheerful is to be natural, but not civilized;to be cheerful is somehow primitive, not cultured.

SO YOU HAVE BEEN BROUGHT UPNOT TO BE CHEERFUL AND WHATSOEVER YOU HAVE EVER ENJOYED WAS CONDEMNED AGAIN ANDAGAIN.

If you enjoyed just running and shouting around the house, somebody wasbound to be there saying, "Stop that nonsense! I am reading the newspaper!"-- asif the newspaper is something very valuable.A child shouting and running is a more beautiful sight than any newspaper. Andthe child cannot understand: "Why? Why I have to stop? Why can't you stop yournewspaper reading?" And the child cannot understand: "What is wrong in my beinghappy and running?""Stop!" -- THE WHOLE CHEERFULNESS IS SUPPRESSED, THE CHILD BECOMES SERIOUS. Nowhe sits in a corner unhappy.

The energy needs movement: the child is energy, hedelights in energy. He wants to move and dance and jump and scream and shout. Heis so full of energy he wants to overflow. But whatsoever he does is wrong.Either the mother is saying, "Keep quiet," or the father, or the servant, or thebrother, or the neighbors. Everybody seems to be against his flowing energy.

One day it happened: Mulla Nasrudin's wife was very much angry. Her small boywas making too much of a nuisance, creating too much nuisance. Finally she wasexhausted and she ran after him -- she wanted to thrash him well -- but heescaped, escaped upstairs, and hid himself under a bed. She tried hard, but shecouldn't get him out. And she was a very fat woman, she couldn't get underneath,so she said, "Wait, let your father come."And when Mulla Nasrudin came, she told the whole story. He said, "You don't beworried; leave it to me. I will go and put him right."So he went upstairs, walked very quietly, looked under the bed and he wassurprised -- surprised the way the boy greeted him. The boy said, "Hello, Dad --is she after you also?!

"Everybody is after him. THE OVERFLOWING ENERGY IS LOOKED AT AS A NUISANCE. Andit is DELIGHT for the child. He doesn't ask much; he asks simply a littlefreedom to be happy and to be himself. But that is not allowed."It is time to go to sleep!" When he doesn't feel like going to sleep, it istime. He has to force himself. And how can you force sleep -- have you everthought about it? Sleep is nothing voluntary, how can you force it? He turns inhis bed -- unhappy, miserable -- and cannot think how to bring on sleep. But itis time -- it has to be brought or it is against the rules.And then in the morning when he wants to sleep a little longer -- then he has toget up. When he wants to eat something, it is not allowed; when he doesn't wantto eat something, it is forced.

This goes on and on. BY AND BY THE CHILD COMESTO UNDERSTAND ONE THING: THAT WHATSOEVER IS CHEERFUL FOR HIM HAS SOMETHING WRONGABOUT IT. Whatsoever makes him happy is wrong, and whatsoever makes him sad andserious is right and good and accepted.That's the problem. You ask, "Why do I feel hesitation in enjoying anything? "Because your parents, your society, are still after you.If you are really with me, drop all this nonsense that has been forced on you.

THERE IS ONLY ONE RELIGION IN THE WORLD AND THAT RELIGION IS TO BE HAPPY.Everything else is immaterial and irrelevant. If you are happy, you are right;if you are unhappy, you are wrong.